This week there has been a breath of fresh air in my clientele, seemingly breezing from one to another.  In the past, people would get down to a core belief, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I have to but I can’t” or “I’m scared” and work their way around it and through it and chip away at it until it seemed to disappear.  This week people are finding those deep beliefs and then saying, “OK, so I have this belief.  What’s next?”  In other words, people are increasingly willing to accept themselves as is and get on with doing their lives.  It’s like saying, “Yes, I have brown hair, or an extra toe.  So what?  I’m still going to apply for this job.”

I find it refreshing because I think that the more people say “So what?” and get on with their lives, the more they will prove to themselves that those old beliefs are not really valid any more, if they ever were.

What would you like to do, if your old beliefs were not slowing you down?


A friend writes, “I keep running into the word “ego” that appears to mean a part of us that gets us into trouble and should be ignored.” She then asks me what I think about it.
Ego is simply the Latin word for “I.” As used in psychology, it is that part of us that knows it is separate from others.  It is useful to have a healthy ego; without it we wouldn’t know where I end and you begin. Without it, we might think we have to do whatever anyone wants us to do.  To go to the other extreme, a person could be all ego and think that no one else matters and that everyone else should do exactly what I (ego) want.
I find it easier to put myself on a healthy personal growth path if I think about resistance instead of ego. Maybe they both get us to the same place, but it’s easy to know if I’m being resistant. You know that certain stiffness that comes when you don’t like something that someone else is suggesting? That stiffness is ego, or resistance. When we notice it, we can choose to soften, accept what is being offered, and enjoy life so much more!

Nervousness is a state of heightened energy.  We feel it in our bodies.  If that energy has fear mixed in, we call it nervousness.  If that energy is mixed with joy, we call it excitement.

What causes that heightened energy?  It seems to be the way we prepare for an experience that is out of the ordinary.  We get ourselves revved up so we’ll be ready for whatever comes.  We might be impatient and eager–excited–on our way to a long-awaited concert.  There is no responsibility on our shoulders other than to show up and enjoy the music.  I could also be nervous–if I’m afraid I’ll forget my ticket, if I’m afraid I’ll have to go to the bathroom, if I’m afraid the people around me will be aggressive.  See how fear turns that excitement into nervousness?

If we want to experience that heightened energy in a way that is happy excitement, it is helpful to have a sense of expectancy.  We can create that with our thoughts, any time.  Yes, this interview is going to go well!  Yes, I’m going to do my best performance ever!  Yes, it is possible to have fun.  Yes, her boyfriend’s parents are going to like her.  Yes…   As you can see, being open to what is coming, saying yes to life, creates a joyful expectancy and leaves no room for nervousness.  If we trust that whatever happens is going to be for the best, somehow, then there’s nothing to be nervous about.

Some people have, at the core of their nervousness, this belief:  “I have to, but I can’t.”  If you have that one, you can choose a belief that feels better–maybe one of these:

If I have to do it, then I’ll be able to.

I don’t have to.

I choose to!  And I’ll do my best.

I’m OK either way, but I would certainly like to succeed, and I think I can do it.

And remember:  You can ask for help.  With most tasks, you don’t have to do it alone.  Spiritual folks assure us that we are never alone anyway.  Whew!

Does anger feel good?  It depends on where you’ve been.  If anger is a gathering of your energy to address an issue about which you have been fearful or depressed, then yes, it does feel better to get angry.  On the other hand, if you’re usually content or joyful, then being angry feels really icky in comparison.  If you’re getting angry about what someone is saying to you, are you believing they have the power to determine how you feel?  It doesn’t have to be this way.

Let’s say Person Blue says,  “Person Green, you are an idiot and should never have been hired for this job!”  Green then has choices, based on what he/she believes.

If Green believes Blue is always right, then Green might feel distressed, fearful, depressed, or angry.

If Green adores Blue and wants to earn Blue’s praise, Green might get to work and try harder to be successful.

If Green feels comfortable and secure, Green might laugh and ask if Blue had Grumpy-Pills for breakfast.

If Green wants to feel powerful in the presence of Blue’s remarks, Green might imagine that Blue is shrinking, getting smaller and smaller, until Blue is only two feet tall, with a wind-up key in his/her back–and this wind-up doll moves and walks and its chin goes up and down, and sounds come out.  It’s fun to watch, and the sounds are just sounds, with no meaning as far as Green is concerned.

How’s this for a fun thought to ponder?  “No person has more power than any other person.  Any illusion of greater power is determined by how much power we choose to give ourselves and others, and at any moment we can make a new choice.”

A friend writes, asking how to manufacture money.  I assume she means how to get/find/attract/earn money, rather than how to set up a printing press and which ink to choose.  I have lots of ideas; different ones will work for different people.  Some ways of attracting money require releasing money, although a very small amount might be sufficient.

Abraham-Hicks has a meditation for financial abundance on a CD in the book Getting into the Vortex, Guided Meditations CD and User Guide.  I highly recommend it.

We can examine our beliefs about money.  Money is an artificial thing; what is it that we are really wanting when we say it’s money that we want?  For example, we can’t eat money.  Is it really money that we want, or is it food?  And is it really food, or is it a sense of well-being?  Do we have to have money to have a sense of well-being?  (I can help you examine your subtle beliefs using The Option Process® Dialogue.)  Do you believe there’s never enough, or do you believe that money always turns up when you need some?  Do you believe it is hard or easy to get money?  What you believe makes a difference!

We can design a billboard in the etheric, in our imaginations.  Are you clear about what you want to say to the world about yourself, and why the world would supply money to you?  What are you offering to the world?  Sometimes your presence on the planet is of more value than you realize, and it helps to reflect on this and acknowledge it to yourself and others.

We can consider doing some plain old work and getting paid for it.  Once again, being clear about what we want helps us to find it easily.

We can sign up for some training and launch ourselves into a whole new career.  Maybe we can even learn enough from books in the library to get ourselves started on something new.  Consider The Reconnection by Eric Pearl.  The world needs LOTS of people doing this kind of work.

We can re-evaluate our needs and adjust our priorities.  When some people have no home, do I really need a new couch?  If this car gets me where I want to go, is there any reason to buy a different one?

Fear constricts our energy; love and a sense of ease open us to possibilities.  When we’re at ease with whatever comes, what comes is more likely to be pleasant.  “I’m OK no matter what, even in the presence of physical pain or death.”  This is one of my favorite quotes.  Thank you, Bears!  (Barry Neil Kaufman)

Some of us are fiercely independent and would not consider asking for help.  This denies others the opportunity to experience the joy of being helpful.  Collaboration and community are once again cutting-edge concepts.

I will write soon about Bunch of Grapes, an experience of joyful micro-business collaboration.  (Later:  Bunch of Grapes has its own website now:

People say, “What’s a Dialogue?”–a simple question, with so much to say in reply!
At its most basic, I ask you questions with a caring, nonjudgmental attitude, and you answer them, if you want to.
What does it do? It helps you to find out why your life is the way it is, and opens the door for changes, if you want to make any.
What kinds of changes? Oh, you might get over your fears, or you might stop hating your neighbor, or you might realize that you’re quite content to be just the way you are.
How can a conversation do all that?  The questions help us find the beliefs that are running our lives–and once we’ve identified the belief and changed it, it is relatively easy to change what we do.

What are YOUR questions about the Dialogue?  Use the comment box, and I’ll respond within a few days.  Or if you’d be willing to share some Ah-HA moments from your Dialogues, others will get a better feel for what it’s all about.

Nova inspects the bowl Nova the Cat read the previous blog post and pointed out to me that when its other uses have ended, it can still be a cat bowl.

When people ask me what I do, there are two things I tell them about:  Speak To Solve, where I use the Option Process Dialogue to help people get clarity about their perceptions and beliefs, and Reconnective Healing, which is whatever each client needs it to be (not just energy, but energy. light, and information!).  Neither is instantly understood, so I will use this space to clarify them by sharing some anecdotes from my work and my life.

Also, people send me questions, like “What is the difference between expectation and expectancy?”  I will be answering such questions here instead of in an email just to that individual.

And from time to time I’ll tell you what I’m thinking about, and I invite your thoughts too.  This week I’m thinking about wabi sabi, and I’m enjoying the book Wabi Sabi Simple by Richard R. Powell.  Wabi sabi is the idea, from Japan, of creating beauty, valuing imperfection, and living deeply.  It makes sense to me as a way to take care of the Earth and take care of humanity by using no more than we genuinely need–but there are aspects of my plastic American lifestyle that I don’t easily release.

I have two red bowls, each useful for so many things–but now one of them is chipped.  Do I throw it out?  Do I keep on using it, and practice “valuing imperfection”?  Which ranks higher, valuing imperfection or squelching my tendency to hoard?  I think of using the chipped bowl anyway, but then ancient rumors of lead poisoning awaken in the back of my mind.  So how about if I eat my yogurt from it, but not my hot soup?  If someone offered me a replacement bowl, a replica just like the one I have, but shiny and new, would I take it and toss the old one?  My question is not “What should I do?” but rather, “What do I want to do?”  When I think about trading it for a new one, if there is a new one out there, I remember the words “Blessed” “Grateful” and “Thankful” that surround the rim of each bowl, and I like the way the edges of the words are beginning to show some wear.  I think I’ll keep the chipped one, and each time I use it I will practice loving it intentionally.

It’s good practice.  Sometimes people are chipped too.

This blog is a new project and is under construction — I hope you’ll come back in a few days and check it out when it’s up!